I genuinely hope you’ve been able to keep yourself safe over the last couple of days. It’s scary that you feel so very committed to the idea of ending your life. It sounds like the “casual” tone that you mention comes from feeling like you just simply don’t care anymore, and you’re too tired of trying to cope to keep going. I can hardly imagine the pain and exhaustion that you’re experiencing. :’(
It’s good to hear that you contacted the email counsellor — though I get that it was both helpful and not helpful enough in the face of the enormous feelings you’re having. It worries me that you say that there’s nothing between you and death but finding a time… I wonder if there’s anything other than the email counsellor that has helped, even a bit?
It sounds like you have really lost touch with the last shreds of hope that you might have had, and that you see no other way. I’m so sorry to hear that suicide feels like the only option, Sophiexx. My heart cries for you, and I want you to know that we will help you as much as we can to handle that overwhelming burden. Please reach out here or to an emergency service if you feel that you are about to end your life.
We’re here for you, Sophiexx. We care for you. Stay strong. <img src="smileys/heart.gif" width="" height="" alt="<3" title="
-The Support Team