I can hear the utter hopelessness in your last post and the knowledge that in the end the screaming in your head will win out over your desire to stay alive. I’d imagine it’s unbearable to hear the screaming around you and long for peace and quiet that never seems to come. I get the sense that you’re very frightened of both the screaming and the quiet place so you’re not sure which way to turn.
I can absolutely hear how much you care for your boyfriend and what a source of strength he has been for you. I get the sense that you continue to fight to stay alive for his sake more than your own. It sounds as though you’re throwing your entire self into this battle to stay alive but you feel yourself crumbling under the weight of the darkness around you. I wonder if your boyfriend knows just how dark things are for you right now or if you’d feel comfortable sharing those things with him?
We are here for you Sophiexx — our chat line is open every night (even over Christmas and New Years) from 6-11pm PST and until midnight on Fridays and Saturdays. We hope you’ll continue to reach out to us when you need help through the darkness.
<img src="smileys/heart.gif" width="" height="" alt="<3" title=" The Support Team