Hey there Support Team,
Truth is, at this point nothing is helping me keep this anxiety at a controlable level. Poeple keep telling me how badly I make their loved ones, and their lives, miserable. It makes me feel as if no one wants me here, and it makes me feel even more miserable than how I really am. I’ve been trying to stay strong for the last week, and I just cracked. Two days ago I restarted self-harming*, and I had been able to almost stay two weeks clean. I just couldn’t take the pain of being told what to do, of being told to break up with my boyfriend because I was ruining his family relationship. But I know I’m not doing so. It’s just hard to take it out of my head at his point. I don’t really know what to do anymore.
I do have to admit something though…. I am really scared. I am scared that I might lose control over harming* myself because I had made such a big effort on not to do so. Truthfully, I can’t stand living like this. I’m hiding my true feelings to my beau because I don’t want him to be worried about me. But he has reasons to be worried, I just can’t control these suicidal scenarios in my head. They take over all the space that I have. They take over my mind, what I think and what I do. They make me feel horrible, sad and really, but really suicidal.
At this, all of what I’m asking is to be saved.
Because at this moment I’m feeling as if I was a danger to myself.
At this point, everyone smile that I have, every laughter that I have, it’s forced upon my face at some times. I am still able to smile and laugh, but I just end up crying myself to sleep but it feels as if it weren’t me.
All I want is for these scrams in my head to just let me be. To just let me live my own little life.
*Edited by The Support Team
**Content removed by The Support Team