And there went my bday. i’m officially older**, which means that I dont live in a foster care anymore, which means I can’t get any support from child services, and which means that my dad can do what the hell he wants. He doesn’t seem to understand that his words, his gestures, are truly hurting the people he loves, especially his kids.

Tonight, I saw things that I thought shouldn’t have happened. My brother only wanted to be sweet, and he asked my dad to say please when he wanted something. My father got so angry, telling my little brother that he had an attitude, that he had no rights to act that way towards him. My little brother just left the diner table and went crying in his corner. Truth is, my father shouldn’t be acting this way, and it ain’t the first time. I’m just scared that things are going to get worse and worse. I think that every human has the rights to be equal to each other and that we MUST take care of each other!

I went to see my brother afterwards, in his room, just to give him a hug, see if he was okay, and he just cried and cried. I asked him if he wanted to keep on living here, and he gave me a big no. What am I suppose to do with an answer like that?

All of this makes me realize that I have no family. That me and my brother are truly alone in all of this mess, and that even though our parents say that they are there for us, that they love us, then why do they keep on treating us like shit? Why do they keep on controlling our lives? Manipulating us? And sometimes abuse* us? That’s not a life…. sometimes it’s torture. And even now*, I still feel as if I haven’t seen the world, as if I’ve havent grown into an adult, and that important pieces of my childhood are missing. Sometimes I wonder if outsiders, complete strangers, notice that we dont have a single sparkle in our eyes, that our smiles are fake. Sometimes I wonder if people see that my little dark world is coming back alive. Sometimes…. just sometimes, I just want to be truly part of a family.

Is that too hard to ask? A family that treats us right? A family that can love us?

Sophie

*Edited by Youthspace for Triggering Content
**Edited by Youthspace for identifying information