Thank you so much for all the support that you have been giving me. It is truly amazing to have people who understand me, and who actually want to take the time to help me through these things, these emotions.
At this moment, I dont know what to do. I am torn between some suicidal thoughts. Deep ones actually. And although I dont have a plan to end my own life, I just feel like it’s the only solution possible at this moment.
I feel as if no one around me cares. I feel as if I am a puppet in their own game, and that they are just controlling me in which ever way they want. I feel as if I have no life, no purpose to continue on going, on moving forward, since clearly, since I was a child, I havent been able to control my own life. I dont even know where I stand at the moment. And it’s a scary things.
Truth is: everything around me scares me. My dad is being so abused, not physically, although I am scared that he might try to hit me, but emotionally. I keep on watching him destroy my mother, and I can’t do anything to help her. She is so depressive, so so sad, and so much happier when he isn’t around. I think everyone is.
I am scared of my own self. Scared of these voices that I hear in my head. Scared of that little voice that’s been with me for so so so long. I dont even know what it is, what it wants from me. But i am so so scared. I can’t seem to be able to find peace with myself anymore, and everything just seems to stress me out so badly!
I am scared that my physical pain may be caused by something serious. I’ve been sick for months now, and my parents just dont care. They think that I am manipulating them, but the pain has gotten worse ever since. I can’t see to live a normal life with it, and I am scared that it will eventually kill me.
What can I do with all of this?