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Green Lizard

Thanks, that really helps.
I almost decided to end it yesterday. A friend convinced me not to. I don’t know how to deal any more. My friends are great, but feeling like this isn’t worth it. My dad said something that offended me. I told him I felt insulted and he just started laughing and said it’s my fault because I was offended. My sister entered the room and said “what is wrong with you?” The I told her and she said “She’s starting it again?” to dad. And my dad says “She always gets so offended over nothing” Then my sister told me to shut up because she didn’t want to hear me.
I really don’t know what to do any more. My friends and Uncle are all that’s keeping me staying here in Victoria. I’m thinking of going either up Island, or to the mainland. They’ve got some youth shelters I can stay at in Vancouver. But ending it is sounding pretty good. I just don’t want my body to be found, and I’m scared of people’s reaction if they find me and I’m still half alive, or if I’m just about to do it. I don’t want to see anyone’s face filled with pity if they look at me. So running away is a good option. I wouldn’t have to see anyone’s face. I don’t want anyone IRL to help me. I don’t want their help, I just want to be left alone.

**Update I’m not having suicidal thoughts at the moment. I was just really low yesterday. I still don’t want to talk to anyone IRL about what’s going on. I’m on pills for depression but they aren’t helping. Basically the thing that helps me keep going is that there’s so many people I could help if I lived. There are people who would miss me as well and my stomach churns to think of the people I know upset about me dying. Keeping up a happy face actually makes me physically tired. Today other people started to ignore me. It’s like they didn’t notice I was there. I feel invisible.

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