Green Lizard, you ARE worth it. You absolutely are. I can hear how impossible it’s feeling for you to believe you are worthy of good things, especially when every glimmer of kindness you experience is quickly followed by something bad. I admire your conviction to do as little harm to others as possible…I imagine on the one hand it is difficult to rise above the pain others have caused you, but on the other hand you can so clearly see how other peoples’ actions have affected you.
It sounds like you’re feeling lost in your own skin right now, unsure what it is about your friend that makes you comfortable with her touch and no one else. I imagine it’s scary to wonder both what your feelings mean and whether they might change your friendship with her, a friendship that seems to provide you with so much support and acceptance.
I get a sense from your last few posts that both suicide and SI are on your mind these days, but that you are feeling strong from acting on either. Keep checking in with us about where those thoughts are for you, okay?
the Support Team