I can really hear how burnt out you feel from the years of unexplainable pain and sadness that you continue to suffer through. I can imagine that after 2 years of this, it probably seems like it is never going to change, and you start asking yourself what that means.
It must be very confusing to feel such hatred and desire such destructiveness for yourself when your logic tells you that you have no reason to do so. It’s like when you look at your life objectively, it seems to be just fine — but that doesn’t match the agony and despair that exists inside of you. With no way of placing the feelings you’re having, you become mad and exasperated with yourself; I can hear how deeply you are interrogating yourself, trying on weakness or self-absorption for size, and trying to find the source of the emotional pain.
It sounds like the thought of living with this disembodied hurt is becoming too much. Is suicide on your mind, indigoskies? When you talk about “throwing your life away”, it almost sounds like that is the case…and I can hear how even that idea creates guilt and anger — like you don’t deserve to want to hurt yourself because you don’t have “real problems”…
We know that emotional pain doesn’t always make sense, even if it feels intolerable. We are here for you.
The Support Team