I imagine you were stoked on life when you were back in your hometown, enjoying your job and looking forward to graduating with your closest friends. Now I would guess it’s a double whammy to be yanked away from that perfect life against your wishes AND to be experiencing such horrible bullying and disrespect where you are now.
I’m proud of you to hear how you’ve been fighting to cope in a positive way with everything that is happening to you, by staying smoke-free and using deep breathing and self-talk to keep yourself calm. I’m getting a sense that the things you normally use to cope aren’t feeling like enough, and that you are totally engulfed in grief for the life you had back home. I’m wondering how your meeting with the principals and counsellors went? I can hear in your comments that you are feeling despair about the future and what might happen if things get any worse; just to check in again, have you been thinking about suicide?
You are always, always welcome here Zebra, I am glad we can provide you with an outlet when in-person talking feels like too much to handle. Have you tried our live chat? The Support Team is here from 6pm-11pm West Coast time every night. It’s another way we can be here for you without the intimidation of in-person talking, if you’re interested (although you are of course just as welcome on the forum!)
the Support Team