Thank for the updates.
Self harm is a complicated thing, hey? You harmed because it felt like a release — a way to dampen the intensity of the anxiety that you were feeling. In that moment, it probably helped a great deal to have it as an option. Afterwards, though, it sounds like there were aftershocks that were hard to face — you boyfriend’s sadness, and your own anger at yourself. I would imagine that those effects created a bunch more stress that you’ve had to deal with.
I get the sense that it’s like there’s a voice in your head, constantly telling you to expect the worst with your bf and friends, and that even though you know that the voice isn’t really making sense, it’s impossible not to listen to it. I can understand how frustrating that is, Terezi – like you know that the voice is trying to scare you more than you should be scared, but you can’t stop reacting to it.
You talk about distracting yourself when you’re thinking about harming — I’m going to share a page here that has a good list of distractions, just in case you’d be interested in some ideas. We’re also always interested in hearing new ideas, if you want to share any. http://www.nshn.co.uk/downloads/Distractions.pdf
The Support Team