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    • #16384
      Eva.-.
      Member

      Right now I just want to die, I don’t want to live. I have been hurting myself alot lately. And honestly it doesn’t make me feel any better, it makes me feel worse. Why am I hurting myself when I’m already in so much pain. Why can’t I tell my counselor that I have been hurting myself. I’m just getting worse by just keeping it inside. I just want to escape from this world escape from all the pain. I’m so afraid of what will happen to me if I tell. I don’t want to end up in a hospital or a place for crazy people. I’m not crazy I just have no other way to deal with everything. Hurting myself feels like the only escape right now. I feel so alone. I feel like I’m lost. Maybe suicide is the best thing for me, but dying is also such a scary thing to think about. I’m so confused. I don’t know. whatever.

    • #18606
      Youthspace
      Moderator

      Oh Eva.-.

      I can hear how conflicted in your selfharm. Judging yourself for beating yourself up, when the world is already doing such a good job.

      The depth of your self-reflection is inspiring to me…I get the sense that while you know that bottling all this pain up inside isn’t helping you, yet you still feel unsafe telling your counsellor about the depth of your pain. I get the sense that you are paralyzed. Terrified to talk about your self-harm and these thoughts of suicide. But also aware of the harm that is being caused by keeping it all secret inside…

      I’m really glad you reached out to us here Eva.-. I’m scared that suicide is on your mind as such a tempting option…do you have a plan to kill yourself?

      We are here for you. You are welcome to Chat/Text in too.
      Stay connected
      <3 the Support Team

    • #18607
      Eva.-.
      Member

      Well I do have a plan, but I don’t think I’ll use it. It probably won’t work and killing myself is such a scary thought. Idk I might just sleep. Things can’t get worse

    • #18610
      Youthspace
      Moderator

      Hey Eva .-.

      I can hear how crushing this pain is for you… that it feels like your heart isn’t even capable of feeling more. I imagine the weight of all this pain feels as though it’s strangling the life out of you. I can tell that suicide is feeling like a real option right now; you have a plan to end your life… but at the same time the thought of killing yourself seems just as terrifying as continuing to live it..

      Thank you for letting us know that you will be safe for tonight… I’m really worried about you Eva .-. I get the sense that you feel as though you can’t take much more of this pain… You said that you’re afraid of what will happen if people find out, and it can be really terrifying opening yourself up like that to others… but I’m really glad you’re connecting with us and getting some support. Do you think there might be any other people/services you would feel okay talking to in order to gain more support?

      Sending lots of love and strength your way Eva .-.
      <3 the Support Team

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