Hi Rio_Rion,

Welcome to youthspace.ca. I’m glad that you did post here – and that you were honest with your words. I can hear that you’re struggling to see through the haze of anxiety and depression, and that it’s been a LONG battle for you. I can imagine that it’s exhausting to bring up these things and to scrape together the energy to reach out when you’ve tried so many paths, without feeling like you’ve made progress.

I get the sense that you feel a shift within yourself, like things have gotten even worse. Like the bit of hope you were clinging to has been fraying. I can imagine it feels both saddening and terrifying to feel as though you’re closer to that edge….but maybe it’s also just hard to feel anything anymore? I wonder if you’ve been thinking about suicide?

I read your words. And I found them to be compelling. I hope that you are able to keep reaching for help. Remember that we have email counselling and live chat also available on this site. We’re here for you.

Youthspace Support Team

Rio-Rion,
From what you’ve shared, I imagine you’re in incredible pain and feeling as if there is nowhere left for you to turn. It sounds like you feel isolated and are struggling with all this on your own. I’d bet that would be exhausting and completely disheartening, like screaming into the wind. I cannot tell you how glad I am that you decided to give one last try and reach out to us.

I’m really worried about you when you say you are planning to end your life before the end of October. I can only imagine how hopeless you feel right now and how desperately you want things to change. I hear you when say that you’re trying to save yourself from monsters. It sounds like a battle you’ve been fighting for a long time and now you really need someone to fight along side you. Please know that we want to support you as best as we can.

I understand how serious you are about suicide and at the same time, I get the sense that you really want help staying alive. We will do everything in our power to help you. Our chat service is available from 6pm to midnight PST, if you need someone to chat to about anything. We also offer e-counselling through our website: http://youthspace.ca/email/. If you wanted to share your geographic location, I could also provide you with the number of a crisis line in your area.

You mentioned feeling like you’re not ready for the hospital and I wondered what do you think would be useful for you now?

I really hope you will stay in touch.
Youthspace Support Team.

​Hey Rio_Rion,

I can hear how little hope life holds for you, and it sounds like everything in your daily life is losing meaning for you too. It sounds as though you’re sitting in an in between space, waiting for change. I imagine that’s exhausting and frustrating, and perhaps hopeless at times.

I am so glad that you have saved so many numbers…and yet I also get the sense that you aren’t receiving the kind of support you need right now. Do you have people to turn to in those most challenging moments? You deserve support right now and we want to be here for you.

I can hear how much planning you have put into these dates, and I’m concerned. I’m curious what’s kept you alive until these dates.. and if there’s anything special that draws you to the specific dates you have planned. Has anything changed for you in the last fews days since you posted here?

I can hear how at a loss you are of what could help.. my sense is that you have fought and tried to fix things for so long that you feel now there’s no energy left for that fight. I’m really worried about you, as from you posting here I’m sensing that at least a little part of you wants to be alive, even if you’ve lost hope for how that can be a possibility for you. I know we have mentioned chatting in before, and I really encourage you to come and talk to us over chat if you are posting from Canada (open 6-midnight PST every night). I’m curious if you think you might be able to come in and chat with us (or another service) before you takes steps to end your life when your planned for date come?

Thank you for continuing to connect with us and share your story. I hope you are able to share your thoughts of suicide with someone else in your life who cares and supports you too. These are heavy thoughts to be alone dealing with. <3

- Youthspace. <3

• This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by Youthspace.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by Youthspace.

Rio_Rion,

It’s good to hear from you; we’re really worried that you have chosen this week as your last. I can really hear how hopeless you’re feeling in life, and that you are completely alone with the reality of your situation. Seems there are people in your life that you support, and I imagine that makes you an incredible friend to people, but that you don’t feel comfortable accessing support from them. I can imagine you feel precarious, and it seems overwhelming to even think about telling someone how you’re feeling – especially if it seems like they might not truly care, or might look down on you somehow. The fact that you feel support at this point is hopeless really scares me…I get the sense that you are struggling to see a future that doesn’t involve suicide.

It sounds like you’ve been sliding downhill awhile.. I can imagine how exhausting that sense of doom that you were carrying would have been. You say that there are circumstances that might push you faster down that hill.. I’m curious what these circumstances are – ? How have you managed to deal with them happening so far this year? We’re here if you want to tell us more about the feelings of insanity.

I’m really worried about you Rio_Rion…from you posting here it shows me that even a little part of you is still living. I can hear how desperate you are, and increasingly numb you feel, but I wonder if there is a way to help or some sort of services I can help you get connected to?

It sounds like your plans for suicide are becoming more and more real. If you are scared for your life, I encourage you to please call emergency services (911). I truly believe, no matter how hard it is for you to see right now, that your life is precious and that you deserve to live a life free from such suffocating pain. I would like to try and help make that a possibility. If you are open to connecting via Chat, or sharing your information here, we will be grateful to send some help to you in this, your darkest hour.

<3 Youthspace.ca

Hi Rio_Rion,

I’m glad to hear from you. I can imagine the last few weeks have been a huge upheaval, causing serious disruption to your life. Unwanted and likely unwelcome! Sounds like you have lost even more hope, and are left in a very discouraged place. The tone of your post here is foreboding, and I’m curious to learn more about what you mean by your “last try”. I’m hearing you say that only you can make yourself better – I’m wondering if you feel empowered to improve your health, or if you have a plan to make big changes?

You said that after the hospital visit ‘every last fiber of passion’ has disappeared. I hear the numbness that you are living in – like a fog bank has blanketed any hope or passion you once had.

I hope you know we want to keep listening, and supporting you in ways that work for you. What do you think are your next steps? Is there anything we can offer to support you in your journey?

Here for you,
Youthspace.

Welcome back to the forum, Rio_Rion,
I can hear how frustrated you are that you have not been able to motivate yourself to go to school. I get the sense that while you actually do not mind school, it has been so hard to find the energy to get out of the cocoon of depression you find yourself in. I can hear how badly you want that to change. I’d imagine this could leave you wondering why this is happening to you and when all these overwhelming emotions will stop disrupting your life. It sounds like you’re quite isolated, laying in your bed alone with these all these thoughts. I’m glad you were able to reach out to us, and I welcome you to chat in through the live chat/texting service if you would like some more immediate responses and support. In the meantime, I am wondering if there is anyone you have been able to turn to over the last three long and difficult days? Please know we are here for you if you need to talk, we want to hear from you. <3
Youthspace

I hear you on the frustrations that can be time zones. Sounds like it can be hard to reach out to start off with, without the added complexity of time zones. It also seems like there are some other people in your life that you really care for, so much so that you are hesitant to reach out to them for fear of how they may view your relapse. I wonder if there is someone you feel safer with or if there is a way you would want to reach out to someone?
I image it feels safe and comfortable to turn to these habits (something that has been a constant?). It all sounds so exhausting, like the energy has leached out of you and you just want to nest in your room. I have a neat list of distraction that might help give you something else to try out, a start to something perhaps?
http://sirius-project.org/2011/08/16/distractions-and-alternatives-to-self-harm/ (Though it says its ‘alternatives to self-harm’ I find so many of the ideas can be used by anyone needing a distraction or alternative activity). I would love to hear if anything on this page jumps out at you.
We are here for you <3
Youthspace