Hey, so first off, I want to thank you for taking time out of your day to listen to me, it means a lot.
So, I don’t feel intensely negative lately, more so, reasonably perturbed. Last year, I graduated high school, and I am currently taking a gap year, but it’s long past due that I start looking into universities. I do want to go to post-secondary, but I’m finding myself hesitant and ignorant on what exactly I want to do for the rest of my life. I understand that this is a common problem for most young adults, and people say “It’ll all work out” but that doesn’t make me feel better.
You know, it would be easy for me to go out and follow my dreams and become who I want to be. What is not easy, however, is determining who I want to be in the future, when I don’t even know who I am now. I’d say I’m a moderately intellectual girl, I’m sound in math, fair in science, good in arts, fine in literature, and you’d think I’d have things figured all out, but I don’t. People say that I’m a smart girl, but I can’t, for the life of me, find that intellect while thinking of my future, my mind goes blank. If I knew who I wanted to be in this world, I would fight to the end of my life, to become that, my problem is not lack of effort, just lack of a destination. I think part of my problem is that I like so many subjects, science, more closely, biology and botany, art, literature, philosophy, social and geography studies, history and anthropology. I like all these things but to pick one to focus on in my career is almost impossible. My best bet would be to become a teacher and teach all of these things but where I live, teachers are in full supply, and I have little interest in moving too far from home.
Anyway, I suppose this was just a rant for me to get off my chest, but I still haven’t a clue what my future holds, I suppose I just want to be happy in what I’d be doing everyday, I just want to be happy with who I am and what I’m doing for the world. My mind goes to a fantasy of being as wise as Maya Angelou and as brave as Malala Yousafzai, and as knowledgeable as Alan Watts, and wishing that I could help the world as much as they have and other’s like them have. But the realistic side of me shuts down all of that thinking, and guides me to the life of an accountant, secretary, librarian, all important jobs but not what most dream about.