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Why not me?

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    • October 7, 2013 at 2:39 am #16433
      neverenough
      Member

      I have been going through some real hell lately and no matter what I try I still can’t let go. So my story goes like this, I was with a man I very much sadly still love with all my heart, I have had many relationships and many break-ups but for some reason just can’t let this one go, I know I have my problems and he had his but I was trying to hard to make this one work, we had our fights off and on for the past 2 and a half years and a few times he said he was leaving or I told him to get out but we ALWAYS worked it out, he cheated and I forgave him but I never really got over it, but randomly out of nowhere after another fight he just up and tells me he is leaving, he was serious this time though as he actually left, now I have my own beliefs as to why which he denys but he said he still wanted to work on things. He has since repeatedly changed his mind and over the past 2 months can’t seem to decide what he wants, I know I should know better and should let him go but I can’t!! I love him so damn much that it really does hurt to even breathe without him, I would NEVER end my own life over it but it’s getting hard to do anything without falling apart, and he only makes it worse by now becoming friends with many different women and even having these women work for him (he is a business owner) knowing that it is killing me but then he turns around and tells me he loves me but he does nothing to help ease the pain he KNOWS I am going through.. I have gotten into therapy and have been talking to people but it’s not helping, I can’t just cut him out of my life as we have a child together but even worse than that I can’t bring myself to do it ..as sad as it is I would rather let him make me feel this way then be without him totally .. I can’t talk to my family about it as they don’t support it or understand and it’s not like I am a naïve young girl I am on the border of 30 with a few long term relationship experience .. I just don’t know what to do ..I don’t want to go on anti depressants as I don’t want to depend on them but I just can’t break free from this terrible situation without it hurting me even more ..I don’t know what to do

    • October 7, 2013 at 5:37 am #18906
      Terezi
      Participant

      Honestly if you’re feeling that bad some anti-depressants might be a good thing to have on hand.
      Also it’s like they say the heart takes time to heal. It may feel like it never will but it always does you just need some help and support to get you back on your feet then you can be standing stronger than ever.

    • October 8, 2013 at 4:41 am #18912
      Youthspace
      Moderator

      Hey neverenough,

      Thanks for sharing your story here. There’s so much agony in your words. I can hear how helpless you’ve been feeling in the face of your (really powerful) feelings for this man. He is obviously a huge part of both your life and your emotional self, and it sounds like losing him is throwing your whole world into a storm of confusion and pain. I’m sorry to hear that you are hurting so badly right now. :'(

      It seems like a large part of your pain comes from the resilience that your relationship had in the past – like part of why this hurts so badly is because you HAVE experienced things before that seemed to be insurmountable, and made it through. It must be hard to make yourself believe that it might actually be over – especially when he is still present in your life as the parent of your child. Like he is half there, and half not.

      I’m glad to hear that you are willing to reach out and try to find ways to help yourself through the sadness. It sounds though, like the talking and therapy seem barely able to address the storm of emotions. I’m wondering if you have found anything else that helps you cope when you’re feeling really hopeless and distressed?

      I wish I had the answer for you. I really do. I can hear that you are trying to deal with the feelings with everything that you’ve got, and really want a way to get through them. We’re here if you want to talk more about it. You can also access a counsellor over email on this site, and use our chat service.

      Stay strong. <3
      -The Support Team

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