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  • November 11, 2014 at 9:05 pm in reply to: Suicidal Thoughts #19267
    Gitit
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    I just want to die. I want these thoughts to stop. I want the hurt to stop. I just want to die. I hate that I have to stay alive. I want to give up. I wish I had a plan. I wish I had a method. I wish I could stop caring about my family and friends.

    I used to be impulsive. I would attempt suicide, and wake up in the hospital. It was always worse to fail an attempt. That feeling would be worse than this. I don’t want to end up back in the hospital, but I need these thoughts to stop. I don’t want to do this any more. I don’t know how to force myself to function for days on end. I’m tired of fighting. I’m so tired.

    November 8, 2014 at 6:46 pm in reply to: Suicidal Thoughts #19261
    Gitit
    Member

    I’m definitely feeling helpless, and depleted. I don’t have a plan, but it takes a lot of energy to disengage from those thoughts. When I find myself starting to make a plan, or doing research online, I am usually able to stop myself. I call a friend, or crisis line. I trust myself, for now. It is hard for a lot of reasons. I have been wanting to be alone. I hate reaching out. I hate having to be honest about the depth of this darkness. Sometimes, I start to feel as though suicide would be the only escape from these thoughts. That scares me a lot. I really don’t want suicide to be an option. I don’t want to live either, but I know that I don’t have the right to end my life. My life is not just mine.

    November 7, 2014 at 1:28 pm in reply to: Suicidal Thoughts #19258
    Gitit
    Member

    Thanks for your response. My therapist is aware of these thoughts. I don’t feel as though there is a lot that she can do to help. I’m not feeling any fun or enjoyment right now. It is a struggle just to get through the basic activities of every day life. My goals during the day are mostly to eat, and get dressed. I try to sleep at the same time every day. I’m having a hard time distracting myself.

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