i don’t really take care of myself i just have to suck it up and keep going . i went to emergency 4 times and they just sent me home telling me nothing was wrong when clearly something is wrong and it scares me to think that they wont help me till its too late. Like i have to die before they even consider that i might actually have a problem.

Im almost caught up but its the last week before break so i have the old and the new stuff pilling up and i only have 3 days to do it all and im stressed to the max!

i just wish i wasn’t so lonely i use to have so many people and friends and now i have no one i feel so alone and hurt because if i was gone no one would care.

Im just really tired i try so so so so so hard and nothing good happens i feel like i never get a break from pain i always am dealing with some form of pain.

i don’t know im running out of reasons to bother trying im never going to amount to anything i should just face the fact im a failure. I just im tired and i wish that someone around me would care for once im always taking care of everyone else and i just never seem to get it in return.

~Joy

im not sure i would hope so that i would be able to.

right now my girlfriend i have brings me happiness but also guilt because of how i was raised being old its bad. But she has a few issues and sometimes she triggers me and scares me because im afraid i might lose her and not be good enough to have her stay.

Im caught up in school now which is good but still struggling with making it through each day.

~Joy

Thing is though life keeps moving and i cant spend life in bed having a pity party, i have to get up each day and do what’s excepted. Nobody is sympathetic especially since I’ve been sick for so long its like everyone’s habituated to it, and don’t want to waste there time.It almost minimizes it and i just have to keep going no matter how bad it is, sometimes its so bad i want to die and yet im still considered the least important case on every doctors list.

Im just i don’t know what to do its so hard each day, physically im getting worse and my mental health is being strained and i don’t even know what im fighting for.

My dream has been pretty much crushed because i need to be in the 95% range to get into the university program i so desperately want but im barely making by with the little energy i have right now and with my disability that score is impossible only 5% error in my world of constant mistakes.

Im becoming so hopeless,
i have such little support and i cant stand alone anymore. You guys help though its like the best snippet of the day to read your kind words, i wish there was more people like you.

~Joy

My day today is all over the map I was really good and happy but then I crashed and was sad and so irritated at Everything. My pain was harder on me today too.
I just want to curl up and cry I have so much homework to do tommrow and I have no idea how to do it or cope with it all its overwhelming.

I don’t feel Like I’m ever good enough :,(

~Joy

Hi,
Well the health issues have caused me a lot of anger and sadness and I’ve felt so uncared about i absolutely hate this im the lowest priority to every doctor, there almost all trying to blame my mental health so they don’t have to help me.

Im on a diet that’s helped a bit with the pain and sickness but im still sick and so i don’t like eating very much because of feeling ill. This also made it real easy to fall into the eating disorder.

Its really hard on me i have so much going on and the stress is just being stacked on top of me crushing me.
Im hurting a lot and suicide comes up and it sounds tempting but being on the other side of that i know for myself i couldn’t do that.
But the self harm was to hard to not do they urges were calling me and i was so triggered all the time, i haven’t done it in about a week though but i cant promise i wont do it, but i can promise i will try not to.(Also its not serious*so its never in need of medical help)

My sexuality, the church taught me to hate myself and some of my problems are a root of this. I use to self hrm to try and get rid of those feelings, those normal feelings because i thought i was so wrong. My parents are quite religious and i fear if they knew they would force my to church more and put me on like a church celibacy/ try to make you straight therapy or something along the lines of that. Im scared about all of it.(They would never abuse me or kick me out so im safe to that degree)

A safe space of mine is sort of being pulled out of my life because the web of lies to go there is being unraveled so i have to stop going. So that’s disappointing to me very much.

I don’t know i just really hate myself and im so alone I’ve fallen into my hole and nobody is looking for me.
~Joy

*Edited by Youthspace to remove triggering content/identifying information