I’m really glad that you’ve reached out to us here.
It sounds like the thread that’s holding you to life is pretty thin, and that the feeling of having nothing worth living for presses down on your heart constantly. From your first post, I got the sense that you were concerned that you might feel suicidal…and now it almost seems like you’re frustrated — even angry? – with yourself for not being “motivated enough” to die? It sounds like there’s a storm raging in your mind, and it’s hard to figure out which way the wind is blowing…
It must feel like things are really bleak right now — like you’ve run into a dead end, and can’t see the way out. I can imagine it’s really confusing and isolating. Making friends seems like something that you feel would help keep you safe and make you feel better…I’m curious if there’s anything in the past that seemed to bring you closer to people…even just a little bit?
We’re here for you, to listen and to be with you through the pain and the loneliness.
-The Support Team