February 18, 2013 at 3:37 am #16387DevilKissesMember
I’ve never been able to make any friends. I used to go to public school. I had to switch to homeschooling because I hate school work a lot and I barely have any motivation. I didn’t have friends when I was in public school. If I did have friends I probably would have stayed. I have no idea where to meet friends or what to say to people. I’m so sick of not having friends. I’m starting to feel like there is no point in living. I’m not suicidal right now, but I feel like I’m on the path to becoming suicidal in the future. I need to make friends so badly.
February 19, 2013 at 12:36 am #18652CallieMember
When I was homeschooled, I made friends through 4H, so you may want to try and get into something like that, or a sports team if you are into sports.
February 19, 2013 at 10:38 pm #18653YouthspaceModerator
You write with such clarity. I can hear that your loneliness is really impacting how you value your life. I get the sense that connecting with other people has never been easy for you, and now this overwhelming loneliness has left you wondering if you will ever find ‘your people’.
It sounds like your lack of friends has left you feeling completely alone in the world. I can hear how hard it is to sustain life, feeling so excluded You mentioned that you fear your life moving towards suicide as a way out of this complete solitude…that makes me scared for you DevilKisses. What is keeping you alive?
I’m really grateful that you have shared your feelings here with us. I can hear how important it is for you to make friends right now, and we truly want to support you with this. Did any of Callie’s suggestions sound appealing? What sorts of ways have you thought of to improve your situation?
the Support Team
February 20, 2013 at 12:45 am #18654DevilKissesMember
I’m alive because I’m simply not motivated enough to kill myself. I’m also very painphobic.
February 20, 2013 at 9:39 pm #18657YouthspaceModerator
I’m really glad that you’ve reached out to us here.
It sounds like the thread that’s holding you to life is pretty thin, and that the feeling of having nothing worth living for presses down on your heart constantly. From your first post, I got the sense that you were concerned that you might feel suicidal…and now it almost seems like you’re frustrated — even angry? – with yourself for not being “motivated enough” to die? It sounds like there’s a storm raging in your mind, and it’s hard to figure out which way the wind is blowing…
It must feel like things are really bleak right now — like you’ve run into a dead end, and can’t see the way out. I can imagine it’s really confusing and isolating. Making friends seems like something that you feel would help keep you safe and make you feel better…I’m curious if there’s anything in the past that seemed to bring you closer to people…even just a little bit?
We’re here for you, to listen and to be with you through the pain and the loneliness.
-The Support Team
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