it’s still me, but for some reason it won’t let me reply under the same name.
I’m scared of both. It’s a lose-lose situation, that’s why part of me wants to die.
I don’t have a plan, I just like thinking about it. When I imagine killing myself someone always finds me, I don’t actually die. It almost feels like thinking about death and fantasizing about suicide is a kind of self-harm, but no one can tell outwardly.
I love my friends and I hate hurting them the way I do, I love my girlfriend and I hate how much I rely on her. She stays up texting me when I’m having a hard time and I’m so grateful but I don’t know what I’d do if she got sick of it and broke up with me.
I love music, I’m a musician and that’s all I want to do with my life. I tell myself I should give myself a chance, if I don’t have a successful career then I can kill myself then. Now I’m only 16 and anything could happen.
it’s not so much that I actively want to die, I just don’t have much of an interest in my life. I’m not really bothered either way. The school councillor told me that I’ve been engaging in “impulsive behaviour” (I was overdosing slightly on pills, walking in the middle of streets at night, skipping meals, that kind of thing).
I just want to be a good person. I want to be allowed to keep secrets and be able to look after myself like my friends can. I’m trying so hard and I just want to believe that I can be loved for who I am and not because of what I do to myself.
Thank you, you guys do an amazing thing.