Hello to you, TheHoplessHopeful,
Your screenname, to me, reflects a lot of what you seem to be feeling right now about your family…like you’re losing hope that things can ever really feel whole, but that there’s a small part of you that is still trying really hard to work it out and pull everyone together.
Your writing is great, and really does paint a picture for me of how things have been disintegrating in your family for a while now… I get the sense that you’re feeling the burden of trying to change when it seems like nobody else is working for it. It must frustrate you to feel misunderstood by your mother and (on top of that) to feel like your brother is just not willing or able to help out.
You’re pretty self aware; from the sounds of it, you know the parts of yourself that you want to work on, and you try very hard to be more like the person you want to be…but maybe you’re feeling like that effort is invisible to the rest of your family? I can hear how alone you feel; it must feel like just too much to deal with so much family stuff and have anxiety and depression as well. I’d guess that it’s hard to keep going sometimes. When you say “or end it all”, are you talking about ending your life?
It’s like the walls are crumbling down around you, and you’re running around desperately, trying to hold everything up, but it’s starting to be too much, and you’re wondering if a point will come when it all falls down. Stay connected, we’re here to listen.
The Support Team