April 11, 2013 at 12:29 am #16398TheHoplessHopefulMember
Since I was about eleven my family has pretty much gone from friendly to torn and broken. We were never really the cuddly cozy family to start with. My father has always been very strong-willed, he knows what he wants things to be like and he doesn’t want them to be any other way. My mother is very easy-going until she gets mad, she was always a good girl and she doesn’t understand why I can’t be the same.
My little brother is four years younger than me (he’s eleven), he is a very disobedient child. He doesn’t like to do any sort of work, asked or not, and he refuses to back down from an argument. I don’t know how to best explain him to you, but he needs a lot of work and he doesn’t want to put the work in to change.
I am fifteen and I admit I am anything but perfect. I’m lazy and anti-social. I tend to be grumpy and I have a bad attitude. I don’t like to be wrong, and I won’t back down from an argument until it’s settled – even if the other person has. I have anxiety and depression and I feel like I’m alone most of the time, like no one understands.
I understand that I probably don’t help the situation, and I have changed myself – bits and pieces – over the years. But I know I can’t do it alone, and I also know that even if I do change, if no one else does, then nothing really changes.
It gets to the point sometimes where I just want to walk away, or end it all. They fight all the time, my parents with my brother mostly. I don’t know what to do, honestly. We’re dysfunctional and I don’t know if any of this can last.
April 12, 2013 at 6:05 am #18727YouthspaceModerator
Hello to you, TheHoplessHopeful,
Your screenname, to me, reflects a lot of what you seem to be feeling right now about your family…like you’re losing hope that things can ever really feel whole, but that there’s a small part of you that is still trying really hard to work it out and pull everyone together.
Your writing is great, and really does paint a picture for me of how things have been disintegrating in your family for a while now… I get the sense that you’re feeling the burden of trying to change when it seems like nobody else is working for it. It must frustrate you to feel misunderstood by your mother and (on top of that) to feel like your brother is just not willing or able to help out.
You’re pretty self aware; from the sounds of it, you know the parts of yourself that you want to work on, and you try very hard to be more like the person you want to be…but maybe you’re feeling like that effort is invisible to the rest of your family? I can hear how alone you feel; it must feel like just too much to deal with so much family stuff and have anxiety and depression as well. I’d guess that it’s hard to keep going sometimes. When you say “or end it all”, are you talking about ending your life?
It’s like the walls are crumbling down around you, and you’re running around desperately, trying to hold everything up, but it’s starting to be too much, and you’re wondering if a point will come when it all falls down. Stay connected, we’re here to listen.
The Support Team
February 24, 2014 at 10:47 pm #19101BlueStarSeedofLoveMember
I’m not sure if you’re still feeling this way. I’m hoping things have gotten better between you and your family. I know what it’s like to feel alone and hopeless. I’ve spent years figuring out how I can make sense of everything I’m seeing and feeling. I’ve learned a lot about my self and who I am. To me that is the best place to start because we are the only ones that we have authority of. My suggestion is to look inside, start asking questions about who you truly are. The answers will come to you. And, as you change, so do others, its the natural law of resonance. There is always hope. With Much Love, Respect & Sincerity, BlueStarSeedofLove
August 21, 2014 at 6:16 am #19225KrystaParticipant
I know this is an old post but thought you could gain from someone that knows what its like. My family fight all the time and I’m the one always picking up the pieces. But I’ve noticed that once those pieces are picked up and haphazardly put back together it can be just a bit more stable.let yourself have peace and just let go for a while and Do whatever keeps your mind off the situation with something of a hobby. I go into my room and put my headphones on and listen to music while I am on the internet or petting my cat.Or I read to keep my mind busy and go into a different place for a while. Hope you find the answers you need.
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