It sounds like you’re drowning in frustration and agony, unnoticed by those around you. I hear how in your weariness and pain, it would be nice to have someone show that they care instead of telling you how small your feelings are and trying to sweep them under the rug. I can imagine that it leaves you feeling not only alone, but also hopeless about trusting people to be there for you…
I get the sense that you’ve been hurt by people a lot in the past, pandashaee. It sounds like you’re fed up with humans in general because of the many times you’ve been betrayed. It’s totally a difficult place to be, feeling like you want connection with people, but simultaneously feeling like there’s no point because it will just result in more anguish. The sadness of looking forward and seeing yourself constantly alone seems like it would be overwhelming, and it sounds like it’s part of the hopelessness that makes suicide an inviting escape.
It sounds like you are drawn to suicide as an escape from everything, but that you don’t think you’d be able to do it. I wonder if you would be able to reach out here or somewhere else if you found yourself really close to ending your own life?
Keep connected pandashaee, and we’ll do our best to hear all of what’s going on for you.
-The Support Team