Hi PJM,

It sounds like your thoughts are at war with each other — one side sees reality, knows that you’re not overweight and that nothing, technically, is wrong with your body. The other side can’t help but yearn to be thinner, to be perfect, to have those long lines just like the models. I imagine it’s extremely jarring to exist between both sides of this war in your mind.

It seems like no matter what your brain acknowledges to be the truth, there’s that part of you that stares into the mirror and just hates what you see. It’s tough, because no matter how strongly you logically “know” your thoughts are right, those negative feelings take control. I would guess it’s feelings of self-loathing and disgust with your body that are at the forefront when you choose to restrict your intake of food.

It must have been so painful to bare yourself to your boyfriend, and not feel like the beautiful person you know he sees. I imagine it’s immensely lonely to crave the body you wish you had and not have him, or anyone else, understand why.

Sincerely,

The Support Team