It looks like you are really on the edge of making a change in the way you interact with your counselor – thank you for sharing your desire to be honest verbally here with us.
When you write about melting into that ocean, expressing that emotion that you fear, I get the sense that you feel complete loss of control. That the waves roll up around you, and the floodgates open. You say you do some things in your life to regain this lost sense of control and power. And I may be wrong, but I’m thinking your goal of starting off the conversation with your counselor would also help you regain a sense of power. Power over your therapeutic process. What do you think?
You say your responses aren’t connected to your emotions when you are responding to your counselor in sessions. Is there any time or place in your life that you do feel these two are connected?
I admire your desire to be more vulnerable with your counselor. You are very clear about what you want to say to him, and how you want to say it. Did you have a time in mind, that you want to take the reins and start the conversation?
If you live in Canada, you can also Chat in if you want more immediate support in how this conversation with your counselor might go.
With supportive thoughts,
The Support Team