It sounds as though you’re under a lot of pressure and your money worries are always weighing on your mind like a big black cloud that just won’t leave you alone. I’d imagine it would cause you a lot of anxiety and fear to think about not being able to pay all of April’s rent. I can hear how tired and fed up you are of having to cope with not having enough money to get by and how much you want to be free of the constant stress of not have enough money to pay for your life necessities. It seems like you’ve been resourceful and been working hard to try to make ends meet, and now you’re getting to the point where you don’t know how much longer you can keep going. I get the sense you feel as if you are in this alone and don’t have somewhere to turn to for support. I’d imagine that would feel very isolating and overwhelming – I’m really glad you reached out to talk about it all here.
It seems like your university essay is kind of the final straw. I get the sense that you’re feeling self-loathing and disappointment in yourself at not being able to juggle work, your financial stress and school and at the same time, it seems like you know that this a lot for one person to have to deal with. You said your OD was maybe a cry out for help, and I am wondering if your intention was to end your life, or to hurt yourself?
I am concerned about you, and want you to feel supported through these challenges. I really hope that you will contact 911 if you are feeling suicidal. If you are in Canada you can also reach out to our Chat volunteers at Youthspace.ca from 6pm-11pm PST for help, support and resources.
We’re here for you Footprints.
The Support Team