March 26, 2014 at 2:14 pm #16468FootPrintsMember
Hello Youth Space,
I can never do anything according. It’s stress, stress, the stress is killing me. Maybe I shouldn’t do shit anymore because everything I do seems to not work out. I am financially doomed and running around like a mad person stuck in a room. I can’t even finish a essay to a University, my brain is simply fried. I want to curl into a ball and forget everything. I simply cannot live like that. I need to get this essay done for University because I need to upgrade and earn credits towards a undergrad degree.
I cannot take another year off from my education again. I will be swamped with bills from student loans and I just need to get this letter done. I have no words to put on it and I have no idea why. I am perfectly fine doing other tasks and homework but this essay, forget about it.
It’s the stress, it’s killing me inside. I am only able to pay half of Aprils rent and I have another job I am starting at. Some think I am crazy because well I want to work three jobs. No one understands the pressure of bills, I am sick of it. Sick of my life and how I am living. I’m close to going to Money Mart and taking money from there, to pay rent. I know it will screw me over more, I have no idea what the fuck to do.
The other night, I OD and could care a less. I woke up threw up, head hurt, stomach hurt, the typical OD. I’m addicted to OTC drugs and that other night, I knew what I was doing. I guess its a cry out for help? I just take all this crap from everyone and deal with it. I can’t deal with myself.
Such a failure and I can’t finish a simple essay.
March 28, 2014 at 9:40 pm #19141YouthspaceModerator
It sounds as though you’re under a lot of pressure and your money worries are always weighing on your mind like a big black cloud that just won’t leave you alone. I’d imagine it would cause you a lot of anxiety and fear to think about not being able to pay all of April’s rent. I can hear how tired and fed up you are of having to cope with not having enough money to get by and how much you want to be free of the constant stress of not have enough money to pay for your life necessities. It seems like you’ve been resourceful and been working hard to try to make ends meet, and now you’re getting to the point where you don’t know how much longer you can keep going. I get the sense you feel as if you are in this alone and don’t have somewhere to turn to for support. I’d imagine that would feel very isolating and overwhelming – I’m really glad you reached out to talk about it all here.
It seems like your university essay is kind of the final straw. I get the sense that you’re feeling self-loathing and disappointment in yourself at not being able to juggle work, your financial stress and school and at the same time, it seems like you know that this a lot for one person to have to deal with. You said your OD was maybe a cry out for help, and I am wondering if your intention was to end your life, or to hurt yourself?
I am concerned about you, and want you to feel supported through these challenges. I really hope that you will contact 911 if you are feeling suicidal. If you are in Canada you can also reach out to our Chat volunteers at Youthspace.ca from 6pm-11pm PST for help, support and resources.
We’re here for you Footprints.
The Support Team
January 27, 2015 at 4:52 am #19292CooledgemanMember
I feel exactly the same! I feel like I can’t do stuff any more because I know that it’s going to fail right in front of my face. stress is a part of life for me but I can’t deal with it any more! simple assignments are hard to complete just because my expectations are so low, and it just drives me deeper into depression and self hate.
hope you get better…just acting cheerful around my friends gets harder and harder each day.
I need help and am finally reaching out.
good to see I’m not the only one and wanting to support others to get over their problems to maybe see if I can get over mine.
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