Welcome and thank you for posting on our Forum. It takes a lot of bravery to express yourself so openly and honestly.
I can hear how frightening it is to start a new life in a new country. I can only imagine the stress and pressure that comes along with such a major change. I am guessing that a new start like that takes a lot out of a person. It sounds like you are feeling very alone here, despite the few friends that you have made. I imagine that it feels very unstable and scary to have people in your life but not to know how long they might stick around for. It makes me think that sometimes you feel more like a burden to these new friends and that if you aren’t fun enough that they might leave you to be by yourself. That sounds really stressful on top of everything else that comes along with immigration:(.
It seems that you are feeling homesick and are having a hard time to stay focused and interested with all the missing and sadness that you experience. I can hear that you are wondering what your life would be like now if you had not left and at times you are doubting if you made a good decision to leave. Although, it seems that moving back home is not an option for you either since so much change has already occurred here and there. It’s like you’re feeling without a home right now, not quite here nor there. I can really understand how you may not know where you belong at this point with all these difficult changes and emotions:(.
I hear your desire for more courage and confidence, and I imagine that with all the changes involved with moving to a different country to start a new life, you may be unsure of yourself at times. It seems that it would take a lot of courage and confidence to make such huge changes in your life and you have been so strong to make it happen but now you want to feel like you belong here, and it is testing your courage and confidence more than ever before.
I am wondering what you do to cope in times when you feel depressed? Please know that you are always welcome to chat in if you want someone to talk to. We are open every day 6-11pm PST.
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