Welcome to the youthspace forum. It looks like you needed a space to talk some things out, and I’m glad that you found us in the vast space that is the internet.
You’ve expressed some anxiety about the idea of getting a job, and I can hear how much deeper it goes than just not wanting to put in the time or energy. It sounds like for you, the idea itself feels ugly because it appears to equal buying into a cycle that you don’t agree with or feel is okay. Seems like part of the discomfort comes from the feeling that perhaps it’s inevitable to become just another cog in a machine that is designed to keep human beings passively working to survive in lives that they don’t really like. I can hear how little you want to be a part of a system like that (and I honestly think it’s pretty cool that you want to find a way of life that is more fulfilling to you). I suppose part of the anxiety comes from the way that, as you said so eloquently “society is impeccably designed to force you under it’s thumb”, and that we seem helpless against it?
You know that you need to get a job, and you’ve talked about having to get past these feelings…how do you think that you might be able to do that? Or, another question might be…how do you think that you could work but also feel fulfilled? What might that look like?
We’re here to talk it out with you…feel free to keep using our forum as you navigate some of the big questions and conflicts that are arising in your mind.