I just kind of want to be happy, and I know I won’t be happy doing everything society expected me to. I feel like everyone’s telling me to just shut up, get a job, get a spouse, buy a house, have a couple kids, and pretend to be happy like everybody else does, but I don’t want that. I suppose I feel very arranged and controlled by society, and I feel like getting a job is the first step of loosing all freedom over my life.
I live in a very small town, so there is not much opportunity for me to find a paying job that will make me happy. The only option I have is to work behind a cash register all day, until I can go to university and try to obtain a better, more exciting job. I want adventure, I want excitement, I want to be with nature, and working as a cashier is the farthest from that. The only way I can think of to deal with my feelings is just to suck it up, grin and bear it until I can actually do something about it.
I know me working as a cashier is inevitable, it’s going to happen eventually whether I get over my feelings or not, and I know I should stop worrying about it but it’s literally my worst nightmare, I need something more meaningful in my life.