I can imagine how frustrating it is to be sick and not be getting the support you need. To be in pain and to feel as if you have to struggle to be seen and get medical care sounds like the last thing you need to deal with!
I get the sense that with all this stress piling up, you feel pretty drained and it is getting harder for you to feel hopeful about the future. I can see how losing your safe space with all the stuff that’s going on would really, really hurt. At the same time, it sounds to me as if you’re a pretty determined person, and I am really glad to hear how you’re trying not to self-harm and to find other ways to cope with those feelings. I am glad too that you’ve reached out to us and hope we can be another safe space for you.
I got such a vivid picture from your words when you said “im so alone I’ve fallen into my hole and nobody is looking for me.” I can hear how sad you feel and how much you need someone to lean on, someone to share your feelings and thoughts about your sexuality with without fear, just someone to be there for you while you find a way out of that hole.
We’re here for you