Sorry that we took a few days to get back to you. It wasn’t because we didn’t care. Thank you for your honesty – know that our live chat is a place you can reach out if you feel unsafe around yourself some evening and need immediate help.
Really rocky territory for you…I am imagining that there are moments when it feels like there is light, but also a lot of time when you feel too tired, and too emotionally overwhelmed to even try and find that light.
It is cool to hear that you’ve got someone else (your girlfriend) who you can share your time with, and who lightens things some. I’m sorry to hear that things you learned as you grew up are now telling you that this person who matters to you shouldn’t. And on top of that, I can hear how hard it is for you to be close to some of her struggles, even though you care for her (and probably wish that you could help solve them for her). I get the impression that it’s a little like skating on thin ice — it’s fun, and you feel freer because of it, but at the same time, you’re never sure that the ice isn’t going to crack and leave you floundering in icy water. Scary. Do you feel like the self-disgust you were mentioning before might be playing into it as well, perhaps in how you aren’t feeling “good enough to have her stay”…?
Glad to hear you’re caught up in school. I know it doesn’t erase the emotional turmoil, but it must be somewhat of a relief!