I’m definitely feeling helpless, and depleted. I don’t have a plan, but it takes a lot of energy to disengage from those thoughts. When I find myself starting to make a plan, or doing research online, I am usually able to stop myself. I call a friend, or crisis line. I trust myself, for now. It is hard for a lot of reasons. I have been wanting to be alone. I hate reaching out. I hate having to be honest about the depth of this darkness. Sometimes, I start to feel as though suicide would be the only escape from these thoughts. That scares me a lot. I really don’t want suicide to be an option. I don’t want to live either, but I know that I don’t have the right to end my life. My life is not just mine.