Welcome to youthspace, and our forum. I can hear that it’s been a really tough time for you, and that it feels like things just keep getting worse — I’m glad that you’re reaching out for support. From what you’ve said, I can hear that it has been really saddening for you to go out on a limb and move to a new city, only to have things not work out as you had so hoped they would. You probably arrived with a lot of hope for how awesome things might be, and are feeling hugely let down and discontented by how they haven’t really worked out as you wanted. I can imagine that it takes more and more energy to feel hopeful, and that the anxiety you’ve been hit with, as well as your lack of supports have made it an even harder task.
I do think it’s a big deal that you’re having these bouts of anxiety, and I’m glad you were able to tell us about it — that sounds incredibly hard to deal with (and scary, especially when you feel yourself helplessly hyperventilating!). I get the sense that this is a new thing for you, and that maybe you’re really not sure how to cope with it? Would you like some website/resource suggestions that have techniques for managing anxiety?
It sounds like you’re feeling so alone in this city that you moved to — alone and beset by a general sense of confusion, unhappiness and uneasiness. Please know that we are here as a place where you can talk about these things, and hopefully find some solace. You can also text us/chat live each night from 6pm-midnight PST, in case you want more immediate help. But you’re also more than welcome to keep talking things out on the forum, and we’ll be here for you.