I hear ya, it can be so frustrating to be confined by social pressure expectation. It seems like you are starting to find ways around the restrictive role that your family and church expect you to play – though cautiously so. You want to explore your sexuality and see where it will take you, but are limited for fear of social repercussions. I can imagine it’s scary to think you might cause conflict with your parents or the church by acting on your sexual desires. I hope you know that you deserve to feel safe to exploration your sexual orientation, and be accepted just as you are.
If you are interested in reading more about what other people are going through in this sort of situation I would recommend Scarleteen – http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relationships/my_parents_and_i_have_different_ideas_about_sex_and_relationships_how_can_i_st is one post that might resonate with you?
Keep in touch. We’re here to support you in this process.