So hey…

So Uni started for me, which is like a totally new step for me. I have a boyfriend now, which I thought would never happen again since my last break up. But yet, somehow, I just hurt. Everywhere. And this is not normal to feel this way. I’ve put my pain into training, which is coming super dangerous cause I’m losing way too much wait. So I’ve stopped. Not the only I can seem to cope with my emotions, with my stress, is to just want to self-harm* myself. I haven’t done anything yet. But trust me, the thought is there, somewhere. I’m swirling into this dark dark world again, I can feel. And I really don’t want too. I don’t want to hurt the people around me. It would just make things worse on my emotional side.

I’m a complete mess, a very big mess. And I’m scared that one day this mess will explode.

I’m sorry, I just needed to write this somewhere where I knew it wouldn’t be read by everyone close to me. 🙁

*Edited by YS staff for potentially triggering material.