No worries about not replying right away, we are here for you whenever you happen to need us 🙂
I’m really sorry to hear that getting back together has not been the dream you were hoping for, I imagine that might feel really disappointing. It sounds like the way the break-up happened in the first place affected you really strongly and left you feeling really hurt. I can see how torn up the whole break-up left you feeling and could understand how going through an experience like that with someone could lead to it being hard to trust them again.
I can really hear the desire in your words of wanting to go back to what you had before, of wishing you had some magic eraser to just pretend the break-up never happened, but how that’s just not possible and the experience is sitting there like a huge black mark on your current relationship that you can’t ignore. My guess is that would feel so frustrating!
It sounds like you’re worried and afraid of the future too and what will happen when he graduates this year. I can understand how hard it is to imagine your life without someone who has been such an important part of it, not to mention how terrifying the idea of going through the same break-up experience again would be 🙁 When you say you think you would die if he broke up with you again it makes me worry about your safety and wonder if you would ever consider taking your own life. I want you to know that we are here and we care and that if that is ever something that becomes a possibility for you we are here to reach out to <3
Whatever happens we are always here if you need someone to reach out emotional support or otherwise! <3