October 17, 2015 at 8:35 pm #22549nogoodParticipant
My boyfriend broke up with me about three hours ago and I am falling apart. I’ve just been sitting here in the dark, crying since then. I feel broken. The pain is so intense that my whole body is aching. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I don’t know how I can keep going without him. The future looms like some immense black hole and I am just falling into it, with no one to catch me. He was my best friend. I don’t feel like I have anyone else to turn to. We’ve been together for a year, and I don’t know that many other people at my university. I’m not in my home town, I went away for university and I’ve grown apart from my friends in high school. I don’t know who I could tell this to. I feel alone, tiny, scared like he was the only thing that was holding my life here together, like without him how can I keep going to class, keep doing everything that needs to be done.
The whole break-up conversation was horrible. Thinking about it, I just feel so ashamed. He didn’t want to talk to me or look at me. It was like I made him sick or just being around me hurt him. I begged him not to do it and that makes me so mad. Like who am I to beg him? I am not dirt, I am not a piece of garbage he can just ball up and throw away. He didn’t even really tell me why. One day everything was fine and next the day it’s over? I can’t even make sense of it. I can’t even believe it. I keep thinking this cannot be real. He’s going call me and take it back. But he doesn’t call. It’s been three hours and he hasn’t called. I want to wake up from this nightmare.
October 20, 2015 at 8:55 pm #22556YouthspaceModerator
Oh no good,
It sounds as though your heart is just breaking in two. I am so sorry you’re having to go through this :(.
From what you’ve said, the break-up came out of the blue and just turned your word upside-down and left you reeling. I imagine his sudden change of heart would be very confusing for you to understand. Since he told you so little about his reasons, I’m guessing you’re agonizing over why and what he was thinking? I get the sense that one part of you feels really betrayed by his decision and has got you doubting everything that came before.
The anguish you’re feeling seems as though it is incredibly painful and hard for you to sit with. We have a list of distractions or some breathing exercises that you might find useful. Would you like me to share those with you?
It seems he was a big support in your life and now that he is gone, you’re left feeling as though there is no one else to reach out to. I’d bet that is both really upsetting and scary. To feel as if you’re suddenly alone in this world, particularly when you’re in a new town, would be very challenging.
I know we’re not the same thing at all, but we are here when you need us and we’re thinking of you <3.
- This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by Youthspace.
December 16, 2015 at 8:31 pm #22598nogoodParticipant
I am sorry for not replying right away. We ended up getting back together but things have not been the same. Like I can’t relax, I can’t trust him. I want to forgive him but one part of me just won’t let it go. It’s like he stabbed me through the heart * and the wound won’t heal. I am damaged now. Our love is damaged now. And I am so scared that if I tell him how I really feel, he’ll just leave me again. I thought if we got back together it would all be perfect but it’s like some alternate reality, where we are not the same people, we’re the ghosts of who we were. I want it to go back to normal. I want us to be what we were.
He’s graduating this year (We’re both at * the same university) but I am not and part of me knows that it is all going to be over then anyway. I think once he moves away, he’ll break up with me. But I am not sure I can go through that again. I think I would die.
*Edited by Youthspace for potentially triggering content and identifying information
December 16, 2015 at 9:48 pm #22608YouthspaceModerator
No worries about not replying right away, we are here for you whenever you happen to need us 🙂
I’m really sorry to hear that getting back together has not been the dream you were hoping for, I imagine that might feel really disappointing. It sounds like the way the break-up happened in the first place affected you really strongly and left you feeling really hurt. I can see how torn up the whole break-up left you feeling and could understand how going through an experience like that with someone could lead to it being hard to trust them again.
I can really hear the desire in your words of wanting to go back to what you had before, of wishing you had some magic eraser to just pretend the break-up never happened, but how that’s just not possible and the experience is sitting there like a huge black mark on your current relationship that you can’t ignore. My guess is that would feel so frustrating!
It sounds like you’re worried and afraid of the future too and what will happen when he graduates this year. I can understand how hard it is to imagine your life without someone who has been such an important part of it, not to mention how terrifying the idea of going through the same break-up experience again would be 🙁 When you say you think you would die if he broke up with you again it makes me worry about your safety and wonder if you would ever consider taking your own life. I want you to know that we are here and we care and that if that is ever something that becomes a possibility for you we are here to reach out to <3
Whatever happens we are always here if you need someone to reach out emotional support or otherwise! <3
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