I hear you on the frustrations that can be time zones. Sounds like it can be hard to reach out to start off with, without the added complexity of time zones. It also seems like there are some other people in your life that you really care for, so much so that you are hesitant to reach out to them for fear of how they may view your relapse. I wonder if there is someone you feel safer with or if there is a way you would want to reach out to someone?
I image it feels safe and comfortable to turn to these habits (something that has been a constant?). It all sounds so exhausting, like the energy has leached out of you and you just want to nest in your room. I have a neat list of distraction that might help give you something else to try out, a start to something perhaps?
http://sirius-project.org/2011/08/16/distractions-and-alternatives-to-self-harm/ (Though it says its ‘alternatives to self-harm’ I find so many of the ideas can be used by anyone needing a distraction or alternative activity). I would love to hear if anything on this page jumps out at you.
We are here for you <3
Youthspace