soso,
Thanks for reaching out with such honestly and vulnerability. I get how getting everything out in the air could help lift a bit of the heaviness off your chest. I can hear how hopeless the future feels to you, and how exhausted you are of trying to cope with all the pain. I get the sense that you have been struggling with such agony for a really long time now, and I can imagine how heavy that burden could feel day after day.
It sounds like SH has been one of the main ways you can cope, and that at times you think your only option is to kill yourself. I’m relieved to hear that you’re still trekking on even though it’s feels so impossible, and that you have been able to get support from your psychology intern throughout these tough times. You make it clear that you think she is wasting her time on you, and I can only imagine how hard it must be to reach out for help when you feel like you don’t deserve it. Maybe this will be hard to believe right now, but I hope you know that your life matters, and that you are worthy of all the support you get from her (and anyone else). With that said, I can understand how hard that may be to hear when it feels like you’re just barely living, and not seeing any progress despite your efforts. I wonder if you have been able to talk to your psychology intern about how hopeless and worthless you feel.
Thanks for clarifying that you don’t plan on killing yourself at this moment. It was a big relief to see that at the end of your post. Still, I can hear all that desperation and pessimism about your life, and I’m worried about you. I get the sense that you really want to find an escape, any escape from all the pain, and right now the only escape you can find are self-harm and suicide. That must be a terrifying and lonely place to be in.
We are thankful that you reached out, and please know that you can post here anytime, and we will give you whatever support we can. Alternatively, you can also chat or text in anytime between 6pm to midnight PST if you ever want more immediate and on-going support. No matter what way, we are here for you, soso. Stay connected.
-The Support Team <3
