Thanks for the reply. I truly never had someone I could be with were I could even ask the questions I worry about most, so i understand when my bf gets annoyed with them all. Yeah that is alot how I feel, heck maybe its just the anxiety in my life that causes all the questions.. Plenty times in my life I felt suicidal cause all the depression my ex made me feel. I rarely get that feeling now a days but the depression feels like it hides still.
But yes I am very grateful, I love how even though I come out and say how I feel about certain things.. even though I end up feeling bad because the stress it puts on him. Hes the best in my eyes… But how I am causes stress and frustrates him daily making me feel I need to get him a better girlfriend or find someone whose better or I need to fix myself, alot of times I think I need medication to fix myself so he will be less stressed out and happy. He in general is a angry stressed out guy from family problems.. I just want to be able to be better and make him feel happy instead of screwing everything up.
Truly I just want to feel safer and less negative but no matter how hard I try I never can think positive.. whether it be about my bf or if im good enough for anyone. I have things every day making me question my own personality, and very few people enjoy it but once I am close enough to someone like my bf I change, I just instantly like a bomb hit me I want to glare angerly at any girl that comes near him- and well he knows I get this aggressive he understands but if I bring it up to much he just gets stressed out. I haven’t been so protective with anyone in my life till now maybe I just am tired of losing people so close that I get to obsessive. The only way I try to coop with it now is through drawing, but I am starting to find it difficult to get past so I can draw- Since there is so much I have to do now like work prepare for collage and yet I still have the depression I need to be better. Even now I feel like I am bothering people with saying all this.