Forums Relationships Asking myself it all

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    • #16465

      Well ok… I always went through life with questions I can’t ask friends, family.. why? They always tell you what you SHOULD do.. not advice, not options. I thought of this today and in thought wondered if there was anyone out there- any sites any help who I could ask for help anonymously without worry or fear of just telling me things I don’t want to hear. Example my boyfriend hurt me emotionally… friends say leave him. I am just looking for any help possible before i make more imaginary friends then what I got.

      SO the problem I have recently is my boyfriend of almost 2 years who I had a thing for during 3 years I was with my abusive bf who left me the 2 and a half years ago. Me and my current bf argue alot but have a very strong connection.. he cares so much more then any man/boy ive known. He just doesint seem women smart in my opinion. Recently I just feel anytime im around girls with him I must be protective.. angry even I just get frustrated and literally am forced against my mental will to ask if their features are better then mine- he always says even though I know they have bigger boobs, bigger ass.. he always tells me yeah I look amazing and better.. I don’t know maybe cause my ex left me for another girl effected me to think this. And he even says things like hed like a 3some with me and all this stuff BUT says only if its a girl with me- he can even be blindfolded and doesint want anything to do with them… even if I died he told me no matter what it will be sex with anyone else but love with me.. I know hes dedicated cause hell when I asked him out I told him he will be stuck with me for the rest of his life.. he was 18. And agreed- almost 2 years and here we are. Yeah this is abit long.. but I have never vented this out before and I want to try and get it all out while I can. I really don’t expect an answer or help, just someone to understand it and talk to me about it without saying I need to find someone else or I need to smarten up- just talk. Simple and out there. I am very glad to find this site.. was starting to think ill have to start up my own for anonymous help with these things haha… Thanks so much for creating this whoever you are.

    • #19120

      Hi Angelic,

      Welcome to the Forum! Thank you for sharing your story and also for your gratitude and appreciation for our existence :).

      I get the sense that you really want someone to just listen to your experience without them pushing their opinion or judgement. I can imagine how frustrating it is for you to want to vent to others and have them immediately tell you how you “should” live your life. It seems like the type of support you are looking for is the kind that will listen, accept you as you are, and empower you to make the best decision for yourself. We are here for that.

      I can hear that your heart is really conflicted right now. The connection you and your boyfriend has is unlike anything you’ve had before. It seems that sometimes you feel jealous and insecure and as much as you try to hold it inside, it somehow manages to escape, even without your permission. I get the sense that your boyfriend’s comments about other girls makes you feel a little better in the moment, but doesn’t answer your uncertainty. I can imagine that you are questioning the way your boyfriend talks about women in general, and how he feels about you specifically. Is that right?

      I can hear that you are really grateful for your boyfriend, and the love he gives you. I know he is an important part of your life. I’m wondering what you love and cherish about this relationship?

      I really appreciate you sharing yourself and your story here. Feel free to use our Chat service also if you are in Canada.

      <3 The Support Team

    • #19125

      Thanks for the reply. I truly never had someone I could be with were I could even ask the questions I worry about most, so i understand when my bf gets annoyed with them all. Yeah that is alot how I feel, heck maybe its just the anxiety in my life that causes all the questions.. Plenty times in my life I felt suicidal cause all the depression my ex made me feel. I rarely get that feeling now a days but the depression feels like it hides still.

      But yes I am very grateful, I love how even though I come out and say how I feel about certain things.. even though I end up feeling bad because the stress it puts on him. Hes the best in my eyes… But how I am causes stress and frustrates him daily making me feel I need to get him a better girlfriend or find someone whose better or I need to fix myself, alot of times I think I need medication to fix myself so he will be less stressed out and happy. He in general is a angry stressed out guy from family problems.. I just want to be able to be better and make him feel happy instead of screwing everything up.
      Truly I just want to feel safer and less negative but no matter how hard I try I never can think positive.. whether it be about my bf or if im good enough for anyone. I have things every day making me question my own personality, and very few people enjoy it but once I am close enough to someone like my bf I change, I just instantly like a bomb hit me I want to glare angerly at any girl that comes near him- and well he knows I get this aggressive he understands but if I bring it up to much he just gets stressed out. I haven’t been so protective with anyone in my life till now maybe I just am tired of losing people so close that I get to obsessive. The only way I try to coop with it now is through drawing, but I am starting to find it difficult to get past so I can draw- Since there is so much I have to do now like work prepare for collage and yet I still have the depression I need to be better. Even now I feel like I am bothering people with saying all this.

    • #19134

      You’re definitely not bothering us, Angelic. Often there are not a lot of places to talk, or we feel like we’re exhausting our supports, but please know that you are always welcome to share here. <3

      It sounds like you are often racked with doubts, both within yourself and about your relationship. It seems from what you’ve said here that those two go together a lot. Perhaps some of the intensity of the protectiveness that you feel towards your boyfriend comes from a worry that you might not be “good enough” to be with him? You said that you sometimes wonder if you need to fix yourself or find someone better for him, and it sounds like you blame yourself when he is extra stressed out — that’s a lot of pressure to load on your shoulders. It sounds like you have a lot of self-doubt that is really hard to cope with, and you feel stretched thin when you see him interacting with other girls. I can imagine that having a lot of anxiety on top of that is also hard to cope with.

      I can hear how much of a whirlwind it is inside your head…where you feel like you are trying your best to be positive and healthy, but you keep feeling like you are drawn back into depression. You clearly value your boyfriend as a support, even though it also sounds like sometimes he can be difficult to be around as well. I’m glad that you have someone there for you — It sounds like you are really intent on getting some of the anxiety and depression under control so you can focus on other parts of your life. Are there times when you feel more able to feel in control of those feelings than other times? I’m glad that you have drawing as an outlet — art can be a powerful thing, even if sometimes it feels like it’s barely keeping up with the waves of feelings.

      Keep connected, Angelic.
      -The Support Team

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