I can really hear how the battle to stay alive continues to torment you and I am glad to know that the desire to fight is within you. Even when every direction you look, there is only darkness, I can hear that you hope to find some crack of light in your future. I can appreciate not wanting to celebrate your birthday in these dark times
On the one hand, your sadness and dreadful anticipation of the weeks ahead are causing you such unbearable pain that death seems like the only alternative. On the other hand, the thought of ending your life looks too much like defeat, and for a fighter, it doesn’t seem right to just throw in the towel.
I am really glad that you “want to keep fighting” but I am worried about the strength of this desire. It seems like “fighting” and “ending it all” are sitting on each end of the teeter-totter, both perfectly balanced. I am curious, what is fuelling the strength that you show in this fight?
We are here to support you in this battle Dan, keep staying strong.
-The Support Team