Hi Sophiexx,
No need to apologize for taking a while to respond — the Forum is here for you when you need it. And it sounds like you really need it today, so I’m glad you felt comfortable coming back.

I really get the impression that there’s a war raging within you — a part of you longs to end the suffering that has come with your depression that feels as though it will go on forever. Meanwhile, another part of you yearns to find some way, anyway — to escape from the countdown that’s been running through your head.

It seems like you’re groping around in the dark for an answer of how to get out of this tunnel you find yourself in, but without any light you remain lost and confused. I would imagine that when your search for relief has been so fruitless, it really seems like you cannot find safety for yourself.

I can hear how isolated you feel, and that you feel the need for someone to save you. As you know, we cannot provide emergency response over this Forum. Is there anyone that can help you in this fight Sophiexx? Who can you call when you need help?

We don’t want you to utilize that suicide plan either.
Stay safe,
The Support Team