It’s been awhile since I’ve been on here. My parents took away my internet access for a few weeks. I’m still alive. Things are pretty much how they’ve always been. I guess the only thing that’s changed is I got up the guts to Self-Injure** today. Honestly, I finally understand the appeal. ** I barely Self-Injure** at all,** but there are still scars there. I can’t stop looking at them,** because they remind me of how much I’ve been able to get through. It’s like a physical manifestation of the hell that is my life.
As for suicidal thoughts, well, those are still there and they’re still pretty constant. I still haven’t gone and told my parents again that I’m still suicidal. I guess there’s this part of me that is hoping they’ll see my wrist and finally realize that something is really wrong. But if they don’t then I guess I’ll know once and for all how little they actually care. they’re pretty small and light, so I’ll just wear a long sleeve jacket for the next few days and call it good.
I’m still too scared to actually take steps towards suicide, although I guess you could say self-injury** is a pretty big step towards it. I don’t really know. It doesn’t feel like it, but maybe I’m beyond the point where I can think rationally enough to be able to tell.
**edited by the Support Team to remove triggering content