Hi there Bri123,
Welcome to our forum. Thank you so much for taking the time to reach out and share your situation with us here at youthspace. I get the sense that these feelings of sadness and loneliness have been with you for a very long time and that you’ve been fighting a hard battle towards happiness that you can’t seem to win.
I can hear that your days are spent in isolation — even in places like school where you might be physically surrounded by others you are still somehow completely alone. I’d imagine that would be difficult to say the least since it sounds like you’ve done your best to reach out to those around you. I bet it would be difficult to try to carry on a “normal” conversation with anyone when your soul is crying out to be heard and loved.
I can hear how real suicide is for you Bri123 and it seems like you are doing everything you can to keep yourself safe but that maybe those things don’t feel like enough. Do you feel like you are still able to stay safe? I wonder if there are any strategies that help you when the urge to end your life arises? We are here to support you through this darkness — and we are also available by chat 6-11pm PST (and until midnight on Fridays and Saturdays) if you’d like to chat in real time.
The Support Team