i am just so exhausted of going through day to day. I survive from minute to minute and when I smile or laugh it does not feel genuine anymore. I have been feeling like this for months with ebbs and flows of good days. I don’t really want to die but I don’t feel like I am living either. there is this in-between I am stuck in. Everything is 10 times harder, breathing is a struggle.
I am around people all the time but I feel so alone with my emotions. I see 2 therapists and a nutritionist and I really only feel comfortable fully opening up to my one therapist who seems to really understand what I need in my sessions with her. So once a week I can fully breathe and let go of everything for an hour.
I feel like a crazy person. I started *self harming last week and that was my first time trying that. it was in replacement of my eating disorder rituals. I just want to give up, recovery is so hard, recovery is not a good word to use for it because there seems to be no rest from it at all, it is a constant battle from day to day, hour to hour and minute to minute and I just want to stop.
*edited by The Support Team for triggering content