Thanks for posting again — your words are so powerful and I get the sense that putting your thoughts and feelings out into the world is very cathartic for you.
I hear how much of a faÃ§ade you have to put up every day — putting on a brave face and acting like you’re fine for those around you until you get home and can finally release the pent up hurricane of emotions within you. This process seems like it’s so unbearable, and I imagine that once you’re alone you’re totally unable to resist the terrifying flood of emotions that greets you when you open the door.
It sounds like you’ve desperately been trying to distract yourself from the pain by turning to things you enjoy like reading — but even things that are supposedly fun aren’t enough to draw your focus away from the hurt. Your drive to continue taking care of yourself is admirable — even if it doesn’t always work as intended.
Keep on searching for that strength within you,
The Support Team