I can hear how much you’ve lost faith in the healing process, and how frustrated you are that your efforts to overcome your eating disorder have yielded so much stress and darkness for you. I’m wondering whether you’re still self harming? I would guess you feel completely trapped at the centre of a tornado of awful feelings, and as much as you’d like to be able to walk away you suspect that a step in any direction will whoosh you right back up into the storm.
I imagine you’re sick as hell of the voices and dark thoughts following you around everywhere you go, not to mention sick of the meetings, medications, and other processes you drag through with a dwindling hope they will bring change. Seems like you are longing desperately for a break from the tiresome work you struggle through every day, and that thinking about suicide makes you wonder if it might be a viable escape. I get the sense that ultimately you hope for an end to your struggling, but not necessarily to your life, am I right? Tiring as it is, what is keeping you holding on right now?
Lean on us when the burden feels like more than you can bear, we’ll be sending you thoughts of strength and courage, Sparrow.
The Support Team