Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your courage. Sounds like you have battled self harm and suicidal thoughts for a very very long time. I’m glad to hear that the medication is helping a bit but I can really hear how afraid you are to find yourself in the same dark and scary state as in the past.
I can imagine how nerve-wracking it is to think of telling someone – especially someone you really like – about the depression and everything you have been through. On the one hand you want your boyfriend to know all the sides of you, but on the other hand you have been burned before and felt the judgment of those you confide in, and it seems now that the risk of telling your boyfriend whats really going on for you might be too high?
I’m really sorry to hear about your grandma’s condition. I can hear that your grandma means the world to you and the bond that you two have is everlasting. Sounds like it is excruciating for you to watch her deteriorate in this way
You have a lot on your plate right now! I’m thinking you are overwhelmed; working to balance protecting your siblings, conflict with you parents, success at school, your relationship with your boyfriend, and friends…all the while struggling with your own inner battles. I’m really glad you reached out to us to talk about all this, cos you shouldn’t have to go thru this alone.
Sounds like you are working really hard to combat those thoughts of self harm, yet suicide and past habits keep coming to your mind….can you tell me more about what helps you avoid self harm when everything seems hopeless and the world seems to be fighting against you?
We are here for you FallenAngel…feel free to Chat in 6-11pm PST any night you want to talk.
Thinking of you and sending support,
The Support Team