I appreciate your bravery in sharing more about how being “locked up” is still affecting you. Sounds like you are continuing to struggle with expressing yourself
It must be really hard living like a shaken can of pop with so much inside but no sign of an opening and space to release this tension anywhere. I sense that you really want to address the roots of this internal pain, but the idea of doing so is just too terrifying right now. I can imagine that you are anxious for the fizz to settle in order to get “something” out. Thinking….will this pass on it’s own, or do you have to take action to release all that you are holding inside? I get that you don’t feel comfortable doing what your therapist suggested…yet I’m also hearing that you feel the need to do something because you are aware that you can’t hide this anymore.
I can hear how ashamed you are for having that ‘out of control’ feeling even though it is out of your control. It’s like if someone finds out, they might see you differently because of it.
I’m wondering if this “something” is causing your feeling of ‘out of control’ or if it is the pressure of being “locked up”? Also curious if you ever had that feeling before and how you were able to regain back your control?
Thanks for your openness, even if it feels “locked up”.
the Support Team